i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
