There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
