if i can run in heels then i can drive
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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