Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize