can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
