just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
