mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
