awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
