just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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