i just made my gag reflex go away.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Randomize