friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
