We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
