I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
