and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
