i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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