My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
