I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
