it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
