just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
