brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
