Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Mom said you looked used
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
