he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think your dad took our porno
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You did what with his pubic hair?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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