dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
