so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
