I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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