it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
