You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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