When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
