Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
