i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
