I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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