can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
