My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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