My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
