Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
