At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
