She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
