Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
