I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
