Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
