I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
