I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
