he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize