I feel great
I just peed on a car
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just cropdusted the office
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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