ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
