Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
