I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize