your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She told me I should be a condom model.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
