If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
