You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
