If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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