Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize