I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
