sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
high people should be assigned attendants
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
