on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
