god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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