She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
