I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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