My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
