oh god the rape fog is back!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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