there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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