that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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