New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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