And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
