be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
