I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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