Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize