i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
