God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
