awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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