GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
