ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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