What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
