First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
