just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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