I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
