i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
