I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
