now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
