what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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